not this cute anymore!
My sister and I went to a late showing of Eat Pray Love last night. We left my husband with 8 kids (3 of whom were screaming) and drove to the theater. It was liberating leaving the children and dishes behind, but we also felt guilty and a bit selfish for indulging ourselves rather than attending to our motherly duties. But it feels so good to forget your worries and do what you want!!
After the movie, we stayed up late discussing the inner-conflicts we face between the lives we are expected to lead and living on the edge-- being authentic to who we really are and doing what we desire. Part of me was inspired and liberated. I want to discover more, dream bigger, connect with the inner-me! On the other hand, I was disappointed in the main character/author who seems to give up on a life that she once committed to. Some would consider her a self-absorbed narcissist who leaves everything behind just because she feels like it... Should she be praised or condemned?
I have much to say on this subject, but feel it might be better to "discuss" in the comments below. I know there are still a few out there who live under rocks and haven't read the book or seen the movie and I would hate to spoil it, if they still want to experience it for themselves. At the same time, many of you are staying away on purpose and I respect your decision. I am not recommending it as a MUST read/see because it can be dangerous if taken too literally.
For those of you who have read it, what did you think? Did it stir you like it stirred millions of women around the world? Are you being suffocated by the mundane routine? How can we "escape" without leaving the country and completely abandoning everything we're committed to? Don't we all need to connect deeper to our authentic selves? How can we EAT without worrying about the size of our jeans? PRAY & meditate on a deeper level? Learn to LOVE ourselves so that we can freely share that love with everyone around us?
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21 comments:
Yes, I am one of those people who lives under a rock because I haven't read or seen it (so therefore I can't comment on it). ;-) It would be nice to "get away" or take a small break from the daily mundane tasks every once in a while but I could NEVER walk away from my family or responsibilities. :-( I forgot to wish you a happy birthday last Friday. We were out of town. I meant to text you but forgot. I'm a bad friend. :-(
I'm actually reading the book right now and so far, I've gotta say that I'm not all that thrilled with the main character/author. (but I just started it so, we'll see if I feel the same at the end)
I'm about halfway through the book. I put it down for a few days...undecided whether or not I should finish it. Today, after your post I picked it back up again..so I'll let you know how I feel once I'm finished.
Janet, I haven't read the book/seen the movie yet, but was thinking about it and will now that you've mentioned it. You did pose an interesting question though - "Don't we all need to connect deeper to our authentic selves?" I believe wholy and completely in connecting deeper. But I think there is an "authentic self" that is also known as the "natural man". Life without limits, going where the wind takes you, experiencing life aka mortality to it's fullest can be a very romantic, very thrilling, and very dangerous way to live. I believe the true "authentic self" began before we even came to earth. My belief that we are eternal beings leads me to turn to the source of my spirit - my Heavenly Father. As I search for myself through His ways, I find myself in much deeper, vivid, and enlightening ways than I ever would in an African savanna - trust me I've been there. Just a thought.
For me, the book and the movie wasn't about her leaving her family or traveling, but rather being able to connect with people around her on a REAL level. She was able to love them because she found the source to love herself (which was through God). I think had she been in her first marriage feeling connected to herself she would have been able to stay and be happy and feel fulfilled. But they were just two people living in the same house, not connecting with each other.
I was a little tormented after reading it, but felt like the movie was lighter and more for the masses. Many people who watch the movie think it's a "cute film" but it was much deeper for me (probably because I had read the book and internalized many of the passages...)
PNRB- I believe the natural man does what he wants when he wants to do it (also referred to as an EGO to others) but your authentic self, your SOUL is what is left when everything (fashion, media, pride, labels, jobs, etc) is stripped away. I think it was much easier for the author to find that when she was in a foreign place, experiencing food and meditation for the first time. and that in itself is inspiring... sometimes we need to strip everything away to start asking ourselves the deep questions-- What do I want? How can I inspire? Do I love myself the way I am?
I only read teh book and I was so upset with her. Everyone has problems in their marriages, but that doesn't mean we give up and ship out!
I think very small problems can become BIG ones if we don't address them when they're small. Do I think it was selfish of her to pick up and leave? Absolutely. But it escalated to a point where she didn't know where to go or what to do.
I think it's really hard for women to MAKE TIME FOR OURSELVES in the day to day routine. If we tell ourselves it selfish (or judge others as being selfish) then it could escalate into something much greater.
I was raised in a "broken" home and I really loved to this book and movie. My parents were NOT compatible. They were young when they got married. They had my brother and I a few years later and it wasn't until they were in their mid-thirties that they realized a divorce was the best option for the rest of their lives.
They are both remarried (with more children) and it's a crazy family, and even though I have two homes, I have been able to witness first hand what it means to really be in love. They are now like they never were when they were married to each other. It doesn't always turn out so perfectly for everyone, but divorce isn't the end of the world. In my opinion, it's much better than living in an unhappy marriage.
We've talked about this book, so I think we see similarly on the movie. :)
We all have problems in our lives-- marriage, work, family drama, whatever it may be. And the message for me was trying to BE in the world and connect more deeply with those around me. It's about opening our eyes and being present in th emoment. It's not about running away or giving up. I came away inspired to have a deeper marriage and reconnect with my daughters and just find time to do the things that make me happier.
I don't think the message of this book was "leave your marriage if you're unhappy" but rather taking a look at yourself and redescover what brings you joy.
but I can also see why there is so much controversy on the whole subject.
Let me just say again that I am not recommending this as a GOOD read or a MUST see :)
I found it to be thought-provoking... but I can see how it might not be the best influence on the rest of the world.
What I loved about the book/movie is how the author finally learns to let go of her guilt and self torment (which I think as women we all tend to have in one way or another)She does come across as selfish and drastic but I also felt like she was brave for deciding to tell her story that does not always put her in a good light (which I think is something as women we try to do, make ourselves look perfect to the outside eye)So what I appreciated about this story is to remember to forgive ourselves and start fresh when we need to, especially for the small things we are hard on ourselves for. Kinda wish I could eat my heart out in Italy and still look like Julia Roberts!
I've only read the book... hopefully I'll get to see the movie soon. I am a huge believer in self discovery. I think it's a major element in being able to find happiness in your life. In that way, I absolutely LOVED the whole Eat, Pray, Love concept. I, of course, don't think a person needs to uproot their lives and leave their families to do it. While I loved the idea, I did not love the author. I could hardly stomach the book because she seemed so self absorbed. I know this journey was about HER, but something about her "voice" continually rubbed me the wrong way. Glad I read the book, because it's an idea I'd like to focus on more in my own life; but I hardly think it was the author's writing talent that made this story such a huge success.
I started to read the book and only made it about half-way before I was so sick of the author I wanted to scream! I haven't seen the movie either, but I do think the idea of doing something for yourself is necessary. It can, however, be done within the context of your real life. Sure, everyone would love to travel the world with no responsibilities and no commitments, but it's not realistic. The key is living your daily life and still finding things to do for yourself.
I read the book, haven't seen the movie. The thing that bothered me so much about it was the way she completely blindsided her husband. he wanted to work it out, he loved her, and she just washed her hands of the whole thing. Clearly, if he didn't know she was that deeply unhappy they had a LOT of work to do, but I think it's supremely selfish of her to be unwilling to afford him (and herself) that opportunity. Then again, maybe it's better for him that she left. I don't know.
I enjoyed the Italy section of the book, probably because it bordered on food porn. I could even identify with some of her struggles living in the Ashram- sometimes I have similar struggles with the LDS way of life and worship. And yes, Bali sounded pretty divine. But it was not such a great read for me because I really didn't like her. At all.
I think that a lot of us start to feel bored by our lives at times and it's easy to imagine that if we weren't tied down by our commitments and responsibilities that we'd be freer and thus happier, but I think it's a farce. I also think all this talk about "connecting to our authentic selves" i'm hearing on TV and reading in magazines is essentially a load of crap. The way most of us will find happiness is not by focusing more on ourselves, but by focusing BEYOND ourselves. If we sit around thinking about making ourselves happier and loving ourselves, we end up self-centered and more than likely, unhappy. I'm sure there are a few people in the world who need to focus on themselves more, but I'm thinking most of us really don't.
Let the stoning of me begin.
P.S. I'm not saying we shouldn't take time to pursue our interests/talents/hobbies/friendships, etc. I'm saying we should stop sitting around talking about being authentic and focusing on me, me, me. As George Bernard Shaw said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
stoning? No one is going to do any stoning. I agreed with everything you had to say. Except not liking her. Why does everyone want to hate on her so? She may not be like us and make the same decisions we would, but she was able to present herself in a light that was truthful and honest-- whether or not people respected her or not.
I think one of the main points of the book (at least for me) was that in order to find happiness you MUST look outside yourself. While in India, she didn't find her way until she started praying for another. She did care about everyone around her and through those relationships, she found love.
I think it's really important for women to not feel GUILTY for doing something for yourself, by yourself once in a while. We are always trying to help and serve others and if our cups aren't full, it's really hard to edify others...
Janet, I agree with you. Everyone needs time of their own.
As for the book and author, I just didn't really like her, and not solely because of her decisions. She wasn't someone who I would want to hang out with and I felt her writing was really self-indulgent (even by memoir standards), which made reading an entire book of her personal reflections a bit tedious at times. But hey, it's her book, her memoir, she can write it how she wants. She's clearly made a better career of writing than i have. But I don't think it's likely that I'll read another of her books.
I have heard that same comment across the board-- that she's self indulgent, etc. but isn't that what all of our blogs are? All about me, me, me? I just think it's interesting that so many people dislike her after writing a memoir-- not a novel. Anyway... good thoughts.
Chiming in again, because Wendy (whoever you are... hi!) said all the things I thought while reading the book, only she better expressed herself. I have pretty much the exact same opinion. I don't not like the author because of her decisions or that she wrote a book all about herself. Many of us write about ourselves in that sense. But Janet, when you write on your blog all about you, I never even once think, "My GOSH! This girl is full of herself." But I thought that repeatedly throughout the book. I'm sure not everyone got that vibe, but she's definitely not someone I would want to spent ample time with. There's definitely a way to document your thoughts and life without coming across as self-absorbed, and you prove that yourself. Good for her for writing an honest, pure account of her experiences, I'm afraid her personality in general was just over-the-top for me.
I'm reading the book now. About 2/3 the way through it. I haven't felt any connection to the author. It felt like she was going through a midlife crisis and just decided to give up on everything in her life at the time to find herself again on a year long journey (does that make any sense?)
I am not sure I can finish this book. It's boring to me, but I keep hoping to find something to redeem it.
Maybe I am just not into such deep thinking. I'm not unhappy, so I guess I don't question my faith, my self, my marriage, etc.
I think traveling to places and living there for months to become some better person would be awesome. I would have done it in a heartbeat in college, but not now.
I do however, feel that it is important as mothers and wives to give ourselves time outs to remind us that we aren't just mothers and wives.
Janet - I am Lindsay Thomason's older sister. I need some help and my sister told me to email you. Can't find your address.....so - do you happen to receive the LegoClub Junior Magazine? If you do, AND you can locate it (I know - a feat), could you let me know what the club code is on the page all about the castle building contest for kids 6 and under. Crazy request, I know! If you've got it, could you send it to me at cheribird at the gmail place? GRACIAS!!!
And by the way, whenever I get the chance to read your blog I always think you've got the luckiest boys in the world. You are great.
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