not this cute anymore!
Cartoon courtesy of the New Yorker
I am a mother of four boys, a wife to one (boy also) and owner of a brand new puppy (finally... a girl!). As the nurturer in my home, I have the solemn responsibility of feeding my family. This is not an easy task. I have spent the last few years making family meals my top priority. Dinner time can be stressful, exhausting and frustrating... but it doesn't have to be. When I wake up with a plan, dinnertime is fun, entertaining, enjoyable and sometimes even delicious. This list is for anyone who wants to make FAMILY DINNER a priority in 2011.
*There are no pictures because everyone's table will look different. Please remember: It's not about how it looks-- it's ALL about how it feels.
1. Use a menu. You have to know what's for dinner in order to prepare for it! (duh!) I make a rotating menu once a month and shop once a week, mainly for produce. Having a menu will calm you down and keep the kids from asking "What's for dinner???" Make sure your menu is full of recipes that you all like :) If you need help planning a menu, go HERE for a few simple steps!
2. Let the children help! Even the youngest kids can help find ingredients, mix a salad, open a can, measure a cup of water, etc. My three older kids rotate each day with the following jobs: help mom prepare the food, set the table & take care of the baby. Sometimes they rotate between all three jobs in preparation for ONE meal! Keeping all of the kids occupied before dinner will add a feeling of cooperation in the kitchen... and it will help build confidence in your children.
3. Put a tablecloth on the table. This sounds simple, but it means you are preparing for something special. The tablecloth doesn't have to be fancy. In fact, it will be less stressful if it's not... then the kids can spill without worrying about being scolded. Rotate your tablecloths-- buy one for Halloween, Valentine's Day, birthdays, etc. Make sure it's machine washable!
4. Set a TIME for dinner. Set it and keep it. This will give help you know when to start preparing. Make sure each family member knows it's time to eat! Be consistent. If it's important to you, it will eventually become important to the entire family. (If dad can't make it home on time, start without him!)
5. Turn off the television. I can't stress this enough.... turn the damn TV off! Dinner time is for family bonding. Do not let the TV (or cell phones!)take over this sacred time. Leave the electronics alone for an hour-- this includes adults! Music is only allowed if it's quiet and it contributes to the positive atmosphere. Be careful on which activities your family has going... Don't allow soccer, dance, whatever-it-may-be to get in the way of dinner, if you can help it. It's too important!
6. It's ALL about the conversation. Ask questions, tell stories, make up jokes, center your conversation around FUN topics. Avoid anything stressful or controversial (money, grades, behavioral problems, etc.) Ask questions that elicit conversation (with no wrong answers!) Start your own conversation jar with questions to draw from. If we can get our kids used to talking to us while they're young, it won't be so awkward when they become teenagers.
7. Keep a dictionary next to the table. It sounds silly, but you wouldn't believe how much you can learn from a dictionary! A dictionary can settle "arguments" as well as enlighten your already stimulating conversation. And if all else fails, learn a new word each night and make everyone use it in a sentence.
8. Start your own dinner time traditions. We have tacos for dinner E.V.E.R.Y. Tuesday. A simple tradition we started that we just can't (and don't want to) break. Make pizza on Fridays. Pick a theme night once a month. Dance around the table before everyone sits down to eat. Hold hands while saying the prayer. Eat by candlelight. Have a picnic on the floor. Make everyone eat with a large serving spoon. Eat food only one color... the possibilities are endless! Start your own traditions that the kids will look forward to and will continue with their children.
9. Teach your kids to clean up their own spills. Don't cry over spilled milk. Have plenty of napkins available and let them do the work. I also allow my children to make their own food if they don't agree with the food on the table. Many a peanut butter and jelly sandwiches have been made over the years. I don't care as much as long as I don't have to do the dirty work. After dinner is over, stay in the kitchen and clean up together!
10. Invite friends over! Once you've got a routine going, invite someone to join you! Of course, this cannot and should not be every day. But inviting friends (either yours, your kids or both!) can really break up a dull routine and it will force you to prepare in advance. Be sure to use a recipe that's been tested and tried... and make sure to invite the right family! jk. sort of.
Before I finish this post, I wanted to share a few fascinating statistics on family dinner. If these don't convince you the importance of eating together as a family, I don't know what will:
- Family dinners are more important than play, story time and other family events in the development of vocabulary of younger children. (Harvard Research, 1996)
- Frequent family meals are associated with a lower risk of smoking, drinking and using drugs; with a lower incidence of depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts; and with better grades in 11 to 18 year olds. (Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 2004)
- Adolescent girls who have frequent family meals, and a positive atmosphere during those meals, are less likely to have eating disorders. (University of Minnesota, 2004)
- The average parent spends 38.5 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. (A.C. Nielsen Co.)
Let's make the world a better place, one family meal at a time!Copy and paste the picture code to your blog (add a gadget, html code) so others will make Family Dinner a priority in their home.
Happy family dining!
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17 comments:
Janet, thank you for posting this! This is an area where I really struggle, so I truly appreciate these tips. I think I've just added another important resolution to my list this year...consistent family dinner. Thanks again!
Janet. I want to use this as a guest post on my blog. Will you email me and let me know if that's ok?! I love it! Its my #1 problem! You make it simple. Can't wait for your recipes!
Cathy at fabulesslyfrugal dot com. Thanks!
ROCK ON!! Cheers to successful dinners in our future!! THANK YOU!! I especially love the THEME ideas. How fun!!!
~Ann
We have always had dinners as a family. It's our favorite time of the day. However, because I go out often, the hour of preparation is the most stressful of all. Thank you for the heads up. I need to do better in planning the meals and then cooking them ahead of time. When are you coming to visit San Fran?
i love you janet. you really are my hero.
Great post! Even with Raymond as bishop, we still manage at least 4 dinners together. Our fav question for discussion,
" what was the best part of your day?" it puts a positive spin on our day. I will be thinking of favourite recipes!
This post reminded me of all of the family dinners we used to have when I was little. A lot of the times they were at home but then once we got into High School, a few of our meals where in the car or just at the football stadium watching my brothers play. I really like the idea of keeping a dictionary near the table.. BRILLIANT!
Your #2 point is so right on. That's how I learned how to cook, by helping in the kitchen.
I love this post Janet! We are moving into a house in a few weeks and I am so motivated now to get everything set up to help me follow through on these ten steps.
I can;t stand people who act like they know everything. this just can't happen for some of us who work full time and don;t have the opportunity to spend as much time with our kids.
I bet you have time to put on a tablecloth... ? I never said you need to make everything from scratch and look like June Cleaver when you sit down to eat. But I do think EVERYONE can make the time they do have with their kids the quality kind.
Dinner time is a favorite at our house as well! One of my kids is pretty closed lipped about things that go on at school, but every night when I make dinner she joins me and let's the information flow. If for nothing else dinner let's me get inside her head.
obviously anonymous doesn't know janet. because anyone who does, knows she's not perfect and doesn't EVER pretend to know everything.
with that said, I can totally see why they are frustrated. I am THE WORST at dinner time. I am just so frustrated by the end of the night. But I know it's beause I haven't planned ahead. THANK YOU so much for these tips. I am so excited for my family to eat dinner together!!!!!!!!!
Look at you being featured on fabulessly frugal....a Boise blog near and dear to my heart! That is awesome! Of course, I already knew that about you anyway! You always have such fabulous ideas!
i need to get on your actual blog more often and read comments...i always love me some drama ;)
my main problem with meals has been the lack of motivation in the actual planning and shopping. matt doesn't care what i make and the girls aren't much help. it just takes a few minutes to make a plan.
good post. i'll be back when my baby isn't crying at my feet.
There is always the freezer meal option. It sure has been a life saver for me to only have to think of side dishes most nights! Plus, there are fewer dishes and more fam time. I agree, this is one of the most important things you can do for your family. No one says the meal has to be gourmet--- just eaten together.
Janet, as an older mom who kids are already out of the house and raising families of their own, I totally agree with all your points. Even as a child we had dinner together as a family and as I raised my own children (with the help of my husband) :) dinner was always our time together. No interuptions to deal with, just family talking with family and dealing with any issues that any of us had to talk about. Now I'm not saying it was always perfect but I can say that my kids have beautiful families themselves now and we are so proud of all of them. I truly believe our dinners together played an important part in that. All of our children can cook and plan great meals too. I guess I have to take credit for that one, but hey, I did get the meals ready ready with the kids help while my husband was at work supporting our family. Thanks though Janet for putting all these points out there for everyone to see and hopefully utilize to raise great families.
Great information! I’ve been looking for something like this for a while now. Thanks!
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