on confidence and courage and standing like a super-hero

One thing I want my kids to experience is the power of confidence.  I want them to develop humility too, but I really want them to believe in themselves and know that they can do ANYTHING they set their minds to achieve.  I want them to understand how uniquely POWERFUL they are!  Confidence can be built with positive words and affirmations (words matter!) but compliments shouldn't be conditional...  Pretty, smart, talented, athletic.. these can be shallow compliments and as parents we need to tell our children that they are special just by BEING THEMSELVES, not because they do something well.  It's not the outer shell or how talented they become, children shine just by breathing in and out.  They don't have to perform or act a certain way or dress up or even smell good.  They are so much more than what we can see.  So complimenting can get tricky.

The best way I know how to teach my children to be confident is to show them by example.  I still have so many areas I need to work on, but I do feel pretty comfortable in my own skin, even if I have things I want to improve about myself.. (in all of the conditional areas I mentioned above.. I need to lose weight, I need to develop more talents, I have so much more to learn, etc.) But when it comes to my essence, who I am inside, who I have always been, I am pretty freaking awesome.  And so is everyone else.

I may come across stuck-up to some people.  My writing might seem arrogant.  My sister is contantly telling me to stop bragging on social media.  But I don't see it that way.  I own my strengths and I believe that by sharing those strengths others feel more comfortable to do the same.  We are each powerful and have so much to learn from each other.  Let's own up to what we do well and not shy away from talking about it.  The thing is, I see myself as an amazing, powerful, limitless, eternal being.  And I see you the same way too.  If there is ever someone that bothers me for being "overly confident" or self-assured, it's probably because I am insecure in that area and want to become better.  Their strengths can inspire me, if I chose to become inspired.  Growth comes after feeling uncomfortable, if we allow ourselves to dive deep and figure out what we can learn from our feelings of inadequacy.  

I recently finished the book "Year of Yes" by Shonda Rhimes and it's so good.  At first, I wasn't so sure about it, but it didn't take me long to realize that Shonda and I are soul sisters.  She owns her power and I loved to hear her preach.  She dedicated an entire chapter to strong women and told a story about being at an awards ceremony honoring a room full of talent writers (including herself).  She noticed that each of these strong women would hide their face or shrug off their accomplishments when they were being recognized publicly.  Shonda felt uncomfortable too and then decided to ask what is WRONG with our society that we can't embrace our accomplishments?  Why can't we own our victories?  We need to start saying thank you after compliments!  It's okay to explain how hard you've worked when you've succeeded.  And even more importantly, it's powerful when you own up to a decision or choice that didn't turn out how everyone expected.  Courage is staying true to yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks about you or your choices.

This brings me to a recent decision Aaron and I made... and I didn't intend to spill the beans tonight, but why not?  We are moving BACK to Vegas in a couple of weeks.  WHUUT the heck are we doing?  We are following our hearts and doing what we want to do and what we feel is best for us.  Yes, we're crazy and maybe even stupid, but we don't think so.  We think we're pretty courageous and awesome.  We make tough decisions and we own those decisions.  Moving sucks, especially with kids.  But you know, we kind of needed to experience things first hand to get where we are.  Have the past 18 months sucked?  Totally.  But there has also been lots of lessons learned, lots of silver lining in the clouds, plenty of new friends, and a zillion memorable experiences.  We are going back with more confidence than we've ever had. WHY did we put ourselves through this?  Because we needed it, apparently.  We've taken EVERY move so seriously.  We've prayed our guts out, read our scriptures like never before, attended the temple, cried, questioned, wondered.. and you know, through it all, we've had very little peace or direction.  This was a new thing for us, not getting answers.  We're actually going on 2 years now (these questions were all being prayed about and debated before Eden was born... so it's been a while!)  And we're still in the middle of a mess, but it feels good to know that we haven't just sat around and waited.  We've acted and we've moved and we've uprooted and we've done hard things.  And I am proud of us.  We are rockstars, actually.  Tonight Aaron and I went to pick up boxes because packing has started and as we filled up our van, we laughed and joked around with each other.  We feel so bad about leaving our ward members and neighbors and MY FAMILY... there should be tears in every direction, but I don't feel sadness.  We aren't running from anything, we are trying to do the best thing for us.  Is Vegas best for us?  It feels like it is.  We need to house hunt (again) and move our kids into yet another new neighborhood and it sounds crazy, but oh well.  We will always have some good stories to laugh about when we're old and boring.  Life is full of adventure.

Not sure how announcing our move goes along with confidence and courage, but owning your decisions can be scary.  You don't have to know if it's 100% right to know that you are trying to do what's best for yourself.  You can be confident AND unsure.  Sometimes you have to fake it till you become it...  Watch this awesome TED talk and tell me what you think!!

Longer version here--