waffle wednesday

it's 8 am on a wednesday and life is pretty good.  We've set some really fun guidelines for our summer routine.. it's actually pretty strict according to my standards, but they are things the kids came up with and we are excited about it.  One of Zack's summer rules is that we MUST have waffles every Wednesday.  I am going to be flexible and let him decide if that's for breakfast, lunch or dinner.. when it's his rule, that means he's making them for the family.  I will make sure to have fresh fruit on top... and hoping I can convert everyone to my mom's whole wheat recipe.  That's my goal for today.

I've been awake since before the sun.  My house is tidy, a load of laundry is running.  I've gone to yoga and showered.  I feel a space opening up inside of myself and I am going to live inside that empty space and fill it with only good things.. peace, laughter, connection, breathing.  I've been thinking so much about posture lately.  I have always had the worst posture.  I am not sure if it's because I grew 5 inches overnight as a preteen and all of my best friends were/are petite or if I have been ashamed or maybe just not taught properly, but I am working on my posture.  Yoga is one of my new goals and I am excited about it.  This month I am doing the super hot kind (Bikram) where the room temp is over 100 degrees and you start sweating before you start.  I love the heat and I am really enjoying it so far.  Jane and I signed up together and it's therapeutic in every way.

I've been kind of obsessed with the Vegas sky since we've been back.  I mean, I really love the sky everywhere, but I absolutely love being able to see the entire sky, from horizon to horizon.  Being at the ocean you can see the span of the sky and in the Vegas valley, it's the same feeling of openness and I love it.  It fills the space inside of me with wonder and hope and freshness.  We've been swimming in our backyard pool everyday and as I lounge outside while the kids splash, I can look up at the sky and truly say that these are the sights and sounds that bring me true happiness.

I've been reading like a maniac, maybe more than I ever have before.  I've finished a dozen books in the past couple of weeks.  For me, reading is completely magical.  I've said for such a long time that I wish I could touch a book and automatically know it's contents.  I don't think I will ever get there, but my reading comprehension is getting so much better.  I am open and .  I am fascinated by what I read.  I've decided to make this summer all about books with pages, nothing on kindle and nothing audio. I have so many books in my home and an unlimited supply at the library that it's not hard to cut out the digital.

Part of me saying no to screens has to do with what I am learning about posture and body language.  Did you know there is such a thing as text-neck-syndrome?  I don't have it, but I don't want to..  I want to make sure my head and shoulders are up as much as possible..  scrolling through something to fill my time isn't what I want out of my day.  With a book and pages, my arms and shoulders are open.  I usually have a highlighter of some kind or notes that I am making on a page.  There is not other distractions if a text pops up on my phone that doesn't distract me from what I am learning.  I am creating space inside and the more I learn, the more that space opens up and I can process how I feel and what direction I want to head in.  I think I felt lost for such a long time that wide-open-space is just the ticket for me.  And I know it's making a difference in my home life, not listening to a book while I clean or cook.  I can feel it in the interaction with my kids.  I am definitely more present.

Scheduling coaching sessions over the phone and via skype has been awesome for my unscheduled personality.  Before if someone called, I would pick it up and chat for however long we felt like chatting.  But now I am more aware of my time and I know that if I have calls scheduled for later, I need to get what I need to done, set up activities for the kids, get Eden down for a nap, prepare food, etc before I can talk.  It feels so much more intentional and productive when in reality, the main reason I didn't want to start coaching is because I was afraid of adding crazy to my schedule.  I realize now that you set yourself up for whatever you want.  Had I gone into it expecting crazy, that's what the outcome would be.  But being INTENTIONAL with what you want your day to look like, you can create it quite easily.  Sometimes we fact the day with stress, expecting it to be hard or exhausting and that's exactly what it becomes.  If you're interested in learning more, I would suggest reading anything by Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Setting your intentions is something I teach my clients over the phone.  When they have something pressing or stressful or even just regular everyday life, I ask them what their intention is for that experience (or what they want their day to look like.)  If you can put your intention down on paper or even go over them in your head, you will be much more likely to stay peaceful, calm, inspired, organized and just aware of what is going on around them.  Connection happens with others when we are open and aligned.  We are always attracting the vibes we are putting out into the universe and sometimes we aren't even aware of what those vibes are.  It's less about goal setting and more about being open to what you can create with open space.  So figure out what you want and set those intentions!  For me my goals are to get healthy and strong, be peaceful and calm with all of my interactions and to fill my life with only the best things.  I feel like I have just hit the tip of the iceberg of what it feels like to be open and aware and organized with my time.

Positive vibes about HOMESCHOOLING

I am grateful everyday for the opportunity we have to homeschool.  Its been 12 years since I made the decision to teach our kids at home.  There has been plenty of ups and downs over the years and we haven't tried everything, but we've had a pretty well-rounded schooling experience.  Each year is different, each child learns in their own way and homeschooling is the most adaptable, creative flexible system.  It's always changing.. year to year, month to month, week to week, if necessary.  I'm grateful for the time the kids had in school as well as our "experiments" with different programs.  We are constantly figuring ourselves out as individuals and as a family unit.  It's been a great way for us to get to know each other on deep, fun, creative levels.

The reason why homeschooling works for me is because I surround myself with positive thoughts about it.  There are plenty of difficult and exhausting things about having your kids home all day... and I could focus on them and become a real stressed out mom.  But I've gotten pretty good at focusing on the benefits of having them home and thinking about our future-- what the kids are into and excited about and how to get more of that into our daily schedules..  It's a very forward moving process.  I am constantly brainstorming all of the fun things we can do together.  I put my energy in focusing on all the GOOD and schooling becomes one of the most creative outlets for my kids and I to explore together.. 

Homeschooling is not for everyone, but it CAN be if you want it to be.  If you have goals and focus on them, you can absolutely accomplish them.  Attitude really is everything.  If you don't have a great attitude about your kids learning experience (whether they are taught by you or another teacher) then focus on what you want for them...  What is the best case scenario for your child to learn?  Think about good things and opportunities and get excited about helping them create what excites them.

I believe education happens easy and naturally.  I know it does because I've seen it with my own eyes.  Reading, math, science is an exciting part of life and if there is no enjoyment, then they will not retain it.  It's all about what brings out a light of curiosity and determination.  Learning happens when there is motivation behind it.

We are just ending our school year... one more week of assignments and homework and reports.  We've been able to transition SO BEAUTIFULLY these past two years through our moves.  I cannot imagine how stressful it would have been if my kids had been in school.  They are all taking lots of courses and they have learned so much this year.  Ben is doing a complete high school program through a school in Pennsylvania (Penn Foster High School) I like the program and think it's been really good for Ben, but not sure if I would recommend it because he's a total teachers pet and does it 100% on his own.  He is about 80% finished with his diploma.  Required courses are all completed, he's just picking and choosing his electives.  This boy loves to do homework and write papers (I loved it too and was a great student in school, but I didn't learn much.)  I have no idea what Ben will decide to do when he's graduated.  Either go to college or take fun classes at the local high school (woodshop, plumbing, auto, PE, etc.) or he will just read and learn on his own until one of those options sounds exciting.  I am a huge fan of the book The Brainy Bunch, which is a family's step by step program to get your kids ready for college by age 12.  Pretty inspiring, if you are into higher education.  I also highly recommend getting familiar with the organization called UNCollege, which was founded by a brilliant homeschooler.
  

Out of all the homeschooling curriculum we've tried over the years, Luke has responded the best to MathUSee.  He will often be found doing "work" with this program, but not in a structured way..  We have often found Luke watching the DVDs or figuring out math problems completely for his own enjoyment.  He doesn't share his info or write it down, but he's retaining it. Luke has been taking high school courses through BYU independent study and we have not been impressed by those and will not be signing up for any more in the near future.  Luke is highly driven and motivated to learn, but he's not into homework.  (He doesn't see the point of it and never has.)  He is a designer, an inventor, a builder.  Luke is NOT a time-waster... if the family is watching a movie together, Luke is in another room reading, playing music, folding origami or doing some kind of science experiment.  He is always engaged in a very quiet way..  He's not into screens whatsoever, unless it's to prank someone.  I think school could be awesome for Luke, if it's the right school with the kind of teachers that will let him soar.  He's wise beyond his years.  He will succeed no matter what he does, I would bet my life on it.

Zack has been doing The Life of Fred for math (highly recommend), The Story of the World for history (highly recommend) and Shurley workbooks for English and Grammar (do not recommend.. It reminds me a lot of what kids do in school and it's been boring and a waste of our money.)  Zack is a great reader and is all about books.  He's into Harry Potter, Michael Vey, Chronicles of Narnia, Wrinkle in Time and several other series.  I don't even know how many pages he's read this school year, but I would say it's more than anyone else in the family (besides me..)  He's so excited about the book he's reading.  I always want him to feel this way about his own education.

Simon is kind of behind if you put him up against other Kindergartners.  He's 6 and is my latest reader.  (I think he may be borderline dyslexic, but we haven't gotten him tested yet.) He is just started to get excited about sounding out small words, as in just this week.  I think Aaron has been a little worried about it, but I have never been worried about Simon.  This child will figure out what he needs to figure out when he's ready.  When Aaron rode with Simon in the moving truck all 6 hours, at the end of the roadtrip Aaron said "Simon did NOT stop talking the entire drive.  I can't believe he talks nonstop.  And I am so surprised how smart he is."  That surprised me because duh.  If you are around Simon, you have to know he's smart.  He's brilliant, actually.  Just not reading yet.  I think he's starting to want to put forth the work to start reading because just recently, he's understanding that it's holding him back.  He wants other people to read everything for him (and we do) but now he wants to read it for himself.  He thinks he already knows everything and up to this point in his life, he's been able to make stuff up.  But now he's starting to realize that the stuff he's making up isn't helping him as much as he wants it to.  And he's also starting to stress about making money.  He gets that in order to be successful, he's going to have to read.  Here is a funny convo I had with Simon just the other day.  It makes me smile from ear to ear..

Simon:  What if I won't be able to get a good job when I grow up?

Me:  You can be whatever you want to be because you are the most powerful boy I know.

Simon:  I know, but I can't read.  And I have to read in order to get a good job.

Me:  There are people who don't know how to read who can still make money.  But I do think learning to read is a smart choice.

Simon:  Can I go on a mission if I can't read?

Me:  Sure.  

Simon:  Can I take the bar exam if I can't read?

Me:  No.  If you want to be an attorney like dad, you will need to learn how to read.  Or you will need to pay someone a lot of money to read and write for you.

Simon:  I do not want to pay anyone money to read for me.  So I'm going to learn.  I think I will first go on a mission and then take the bar exam.

Me:  Sounds like a good plan.

Simon:  But mom!  The bar is only like a 60% pass rate.  40% of all the people who take it don't even pass.

And here's where I smile and say, this 6 year old is going places.  I have no idea where he heard those statistics because I doubt Aaron goes around telling him how hard it is to pass the bar, but he picked it up from somewhere.  I do not worry about Simon's street smarts.  He's going to make a ton of money and then hopefully buy me a vacation home in the Cayman Islands.

I do not worry about my girls one bit in the education department.  They are both geniuses in their own way.  (PS. Every child is extremely bright.)  Roma will probably be reading before Simon.  She's an amazing cook and cleaner-- not that those are wife skills that every girl must develop, but she's actually always drawn to them.  Cleaning and cooking makes Roma really happy, so I am going to encourage her to get really good at it.  Because she will change the world with her amazing strong personality and career.  Her cleaning and cooking skills will make it easier for her to change the world..  Eden is so smart as well and talking nonstop.  I can't wait to see what she's drawn to and what excites her.  Right now it's babies and animals.  She would make an amazing vet at this point.  She's a caregiver in every sense of the word.

Do you think about homeschooling your kids?  IF SO-- I would encourage you do to it.  The best time to start is in the SUMMER because there's no pressure if it turns out miserable.  Pretend it's the school year and come up with a fun schedule.  Do art projects, create a weekly menu, read books together, learn something new!  Use it as a practice run for what the school year would be like.  I would highly encourage you to look into it if it's something you're toying with.  If not, no judgment here, school is awesome too.  Just make sure they have teachers who support and love them because real learning can't happen in a stressed out, negative environment, imo.

I've only lived in Nevada and Utah and they both have great programs for supplementing your homeschool schedule.  Nevada passed senate bill 302 which will give each homeschooling child a $5000 spending stipend (it's being challenged in the supreme court as we speak so funds are not available until all of the law suits are settled.) But Utah has a great "charter school" for homeschoolers.  In Utah, my kids were enrolled through My Tech High and this school provided some really great classes for my boys.  Ben and Luke took LEGO Robotics for free through their program (the equipment sent to our door and the instructions and classes online.) My Tech High will also allow you to make your own schedule and reimburse you for the supplies you buy.  You just have to give them a weekly report of what each child is doing.  So this year Luke took photography, Zack and Simon did minecraft (with a teacher and assignments and tutorials, which was better than "wasting time" on a video game) and Ben got all of his Penn Foster courses paid for.  It made homeschooling so much easier and flexible for us!  Plus they took Karate for PE and got those classes paid for through the school.  Super awesome program.  I am a huge fan of a classical education, so a lot of what I order has to do with classics that are at their grade level I use the TJed classic book list for families and the Academy Bookstore to order my kids curriculum (or check it out from the library, which is most often.)

I am not sure what we will do next year.  We are open to a few different options (I've always been open, and always come back to the same conclusion that their time is better spent learning at home.)  But kids are all different and each year they change and need new things, so we are always looking at the school around us and what they have to offer.  But until we decide, we will enjoy our summer.  We love summer!!!!  We've decided to do a screen break this summer.  No movies, no computer, no tablets, no video games ALL SUMMER LONG.  I am so excited.  We are going to swim, read, play ping pong and board games, do lots of arts and crafts, visit the library and write with a pen and pencil.  We are going old school and I need to work out my phone situation (it's currently broken) but I may just go back to a landline this summer and see how it goes.  We are on vacation, baby... but the beauty of homeschooling is that there is no calendar for learning.  There will be no school, but there will be lots of educating.

Hope you can figure out what's best for you and your family.  I am 100% open to coaching parents specifically about homeschooling-- going over the decision to pull kids out of school, setting up learning schedules, helping the kids find their passions, working out ways to inspire and not control their education choices, etc.  If you are interested, email me.  I charge about $50 per session (which lasts about an hour) but there is homework and accountability involved for you-- so it's much more than a hours worth of work.  If you have questions that you want to discuss over email, send them to janetleeshumway@gmail.com

Good luck figuring out what to do for the kids under your umbrella.  I know you will be inspired to make the best choice for your family.   

XOXO

Parenting without conflict

I've had a positive outlook on my role as a mother for as long as I can remember, but it's gotten easier and harder over the years. I am constantly striving to be better because I am constantly being faced with new challenges.  I've read hundreds of parenting books for ideas and inspiration. Many people ask me what are the best books-- any book is a step in the right direction, as long as it makes you feel like you can improve and not feel frustrated after reading it.  If you have the desire to learn more about being a good parent, then you are already there... the desire to change is all you need.  I am not perfect and will never claim to be, but I do love being with my kids and I know they feel that excitement from me.

I choose to have good thoughts running around in my head about my kids.  They are amazing little people.  They are obedient.  They are helpful.  I love each one of their individual personalities.  I love watching them grow and learn new things.  I love to see joy in their new accomplishments and discoveries.  I love to hear their thoughts.  There are some things I don't love about parenting-- the messes, the crying, the fighting, the demands.  But I choose not to focus on those things.  When I do focus on them, I feel tired, frustrated, annoyed, angry and impatient.  Being grumpy-pants doesn't help me and I know it makes the kids worse.  Instead of getting annoyed, I try to focus on what I LOVE about being in my home.  Focusing on the good gives me energy and happiness and that energy allows me to deal with the messy parts of my job.  Cleaning up a spill (or even scrubbing a dirty toilet) is EASY when you're not in a bad mood.

The other day Luke recorded a video of Simon and Roma fighting.  Ben uploaded it to facebook and posted it to my wall.  I cannot get the video off his phone because it's old school, so if you want to see the better version, you will have to watch it on facebook.  But this is a recording of a recording.  Sorry about the bad quality, but it paints the picture.. I love this video with all of my big mama heart.

This shows Roma in all her sass talking to Simon about how they were splashing each other in our pool.  Simon states that Ro poured water on him with a cup and she back-talks him by moving her shoulders and bobbing her head back and forth.  They hit each other but the best part is the gang signs they throw at the end.  This is something we all see everyday, several times a day and it's beautiful.  I love it so much because I know it's something I will miss when it stops.  Simon and Roma are such strong personalities and they are PERFECT for each other.  I love to watch them interact, talk, debate and even fight.  I don't want them hitting each other, but I don't worry about it too much because sooner or later one of them will realize the other person is not worth fighting with.  (Simon will eventually give up because Roma never will.)  And when they decide to get along it's so darling.  Something tells me that will always have this feisty relationship with each other and who am I to take that away from them?  This is a natural part of family living and we shouldn't wish it away.

When they get heated in their discussion I usually sit back and observe.  I hardly ever video it (but I wish I would) because I think they will love it eventually too.  I usually just sit back and let them them figure it out.  Eden is starting to get pulled into the mess too and I feel so bad for her because she's so innocent, but she also needs to learn to stick up for herself, so I allow it to be.  I step in when I need to, and I usually know when that is.  If Eden is involved its sooner, but with Simon and Roma it might escalate.  It goes too far when someone is bleeding or cannot physically get themselves out of the situation.  I am not a checked-out parent.  (A checked out parent is one who rises to the drama and yells and screams... that's what it means to check out and react.  An over-involved parent tries to solve all their problems for them and won't allow them to disagree.)  I try to stay somewhere in the middle by watching and seeing if there are little suggestions I can give them to work it out easier.  I feel very in tune with what is going on and I absolutely love to watch them grow.  Childhood is for playing, disagreeing, throwing gang signs and thinking for yourself.  This is how we figure out who we are, by having the freedom to interact in the world that we live in.

I was not present during this fight, but if I had been, I would not have yelled "Hey! Stop fighting!" like Luke did.  He's doing a great job of managing the situation with a baby and a camera on his lap, but a better suggestion would be a calm, "Everyone respect each other and keep your hands to yourselves."  By saying "stop fighting" you are actually asking for more of it, simply because you are drawing attention to it.  By focusing on what we don't want, we are really asking for more of it.  By talking about respect, love, and keeping our hands to ourselves, we are quietly giving the kids direction without getting overly involved.

If one of them had hurt the other badly and had come running to me (which happens everyday) I would get down on their level, look at the place on their body that hurts and say, "It sounds like that must have hurt you.  I'm sorry."  and that is all.  If they tell me why their brother/sister is such a terrible person, I brush it off and say, "I love when you two get along and play nice together."  If they explain why the other person wasn't being nice, I will say, "You are brave and strong, even when other people don't treat you the way you want to be treated."  Slowly our kids learn that they have all the tools inside themselves to figure out how to behave properly.  If we constantly tell them what not to do and then scold them, they grow up with a skewed understanding of the power they have inside themselves.

For older kids, it's can be trickier because they've learned lots of unhealthy habits over the years, at school and at home.  It can be turned around, but you have to show them by example how to behave under stress.  The first thing you do is not over-react.  Don't yell or belittle.  Sit down with them (if they let you) and show them that you are trying to change your own behaviors.  Sometimes you don't need to say anything at all, just send them positive vibes.  If they are being particularly moody, do NOT let it affect your own mood.  Just concentrate or think about times when they are pleasant and ignore the bad vibes.  The more we give the negativity power, the more power it has over us.

Many times in my coaching sessions we deal with one particular child.  It always starts out with, "I get along with all of my kids, but this one child is just so difficult."  Let's start with what you are telling yourself about this one child.  The reason could be that you think the other kids are easy and you THINK this one child is hard.  Your child knows what you think because he FEELS it from you.  You are literally telling him to behave in a certain way by the emotions and vibes you are sending him.

Imagine being around someone who doesn't like you (we all have someone who doesn't have the best opinion of us.)  Imagine living with that person and having to walk around the house, knowing that they are going to be annoyed by EVERYTHING we do.  Even if they don't say anything, we can literally feel the criticism with the way the watch us, the way they roll their eyes, they way they don't light up when we talk to them, the way they exclude us with their good feelings.  We can't win, so we give them what they are asking for.  It's a lose/lose situation and it's very frustrating for them.  So start with yourself.  Notice how you feel and what you think.  Slowly change your ugly, bad vibes to something more pleasant.. and step into a new world where you are in control.

I have a couple of clients who say, "I have the worst kids ever.  It doesn't matter what I do.  I've tried everything."

I feel for these parents and don't judge them for having these thoughts.  But they are creating their own problems by focusing on the wrong things.  You do NOT have the worst kids ever. It DOES matter what you do.  And you have NOT tried everything.  So stop being so dramatic. (wink)

The worst kids ever are the kind who kill other kids and animals.  Are your kids without feeling?  Do they murder for no reason?  I didn't think so.  Your kids are wonderful and bright and energetic.  They are busy, emotional, creative, opinionated.  They have a voice!  They are determined!  They have power inside of them and want to be heard,  They are doing good things everyday.  They are doing the very best they know how, whether you want to notice it or not.  They need more love and less criticism.  They are walking a very tough road and they get up and face their lives everyday.  They need a home that offers safety and security.  They need you to see the good in them.  There is so much good to see, focus on it.  

Thoughts and energy

We create our own problems.  Everyday, every minute, every second thoughts are running through our mind.. most of of the time we are unconscious of them.  We create problems or solutions with the thoughts we think.  If you don't want more problems, then start changing your thoughts.  We cannot solve our problems by continuing to create more problems.  Einstein figured this out, he GOT it and tried to explain that in order to solve problems, we must see our world in a new way... He does explain it simply--  "Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results."

Example of a problematic thought (in relation to money, but it can be applied to all areas.)

"I can't get ahead.  No matter what I do, I can't catch up.  My bills are piling up.  There isn't enough money for what I need."  

The truth is, you CAN get ahead and you can quickly catch up if you wanted to.  But not if you choose to think the same thoughts.  Your bills are piling up because you asked them to.  Your relationship with money is frustrating you and money knows it.  Your negative thoughts about money are keeping you from having it.  I am not sure why we have such deep rooted thoughts about money, but it probably goes back to childhood and something we heard our parents say or feel about money (or the way we interpreted it.)  There is always enough money for what you need.  Always.  You are just too busy thinking and saying there isn't enough (which shows up in your life over and over) and you won't allow the flow of it to come.  You allow bits and pieces-- enough to get by-- because you think there will only be enough to squeak by.  So if you start changing the way you think about money and start welcoming it in with your energy and your thoughts, it will come to you in ways you never expected.

Money is exactly the same as oxygen..  Do you hear anyone going around complaining about the levels of oxygen they have?  Not usually, but there really are some people out there that are worried about it and do you know what happens in their life?  They have difficultly breathing and sleeping.  They become suffocated and they start worrying about other people taking their air.  

If we stopped giving money our negative attention and stopped comparing our levels with everyone else's, we will be able to find the solutions to our problems.  But we're so focused about the problem and continue to worry and stress about not finding an answer that we literally block the solution with our energy.  Being worried or stressed feels terrible.  It is exhausting.  ALL thoughts either have a positive or negative vibe..  If you continue to think negatively or say negative things you will continually invite frustration, worry, doubt, anger and famine into your life.  Stop asking for it.  Tell yourself you have the power to change your situation.  Because whether you believe it or not, you will get what you ask for. 

Little by little, as you replace your thoughts, you will feel less and less frustrated about your situation.  And you will see little pockets of light and hope.  When you put your energy into those good thoughts, you invite more goodness into your life.  You will start to see solutions and feel excited about moving forward.

Now, here's where it gets complicated.  It's not actually what you think.  I know, I thought it was all about your thoughts.  It's not.  It's what you FEEL.  It's always about what you feel.  Your energy is harder to control than your thoughts, so you have to start with your thoughts and allow those to change your energy.  But if you are stubborn, you won't allow your thoughts to change how you feel.  You will say things like, "I have such a happy life and money is easy to come by."  But your energy behind that thought is actually "This is so stupid.  My life sucks and being optimistic does not work."  And then you will get the result of what you feel.  And you can never ever ever hide what you feel.  You can lie through your teeth, but the truth of what you feel is what gives you the results you're asking for.  

You know exactly how other people feel.  You can walk into a room or meet a stranger and know exactly how they feel.  It's usually NOT what they say.  But everyone is giving off vibes all of the time.  You know when someone is supporting you by the energy they give.  You know when someone is sending you bad vibes, you can cut negative energy in a room with a knife.  They may not say anything negatively to you, but they are thinking it and you can feel it.  Babies and animals speak this language.  They read it all so well.  It's universal.  That's why we all love babies and animals, because they love us back and only send and share good vibes.  That doesn't mean babies don't cry and animals don't bite.  They respond to their environments EXACTLY how they should.  They communicate what they need and once their needs are met, they are as happy as can be.  They are free from judgment... they don't love people based on race, sexual orientation, age, appearance, intelligence or wealth level, popularity status.  They accept and love and smile and wag their tail for everyone, just the same.  It's their positive energy that allows them to do so..  We usually give it back.  We love babies exactly the way they are, but as soon as they hit a certain age, we start to try to mold them and change them and that's when we go wrong.  They start to reflect the negative thoughts we give them and soon their own thoughts and energy level changes.  

Our world can change and it can change quickly if we stop focusing on what we hate and start promoting what we love.  The solutions to ALL of our problems will come when we shift our energy to positive.  Peace, love, joy, calmness, patience, abundance, harmony, happiness.  If you can't find good thoughts about a particular area in your life, then stop thinking about it all together.  The more we focus on it with bad energy, the bigger the problem becomes, so just turn towards something that makes you feel good.  Exercise and sleep and NATURE can reset your energy levels so if you are completely lost and don't know how to feel better take a walk outside and tell yourself that the answer is coming.  It's always on its way.  

positively optimistic

Hi!!!!

It's Tuesday evening and unusual for me to be blogging on a weeknight.  My littles are running around in wet swimsuits and my husband is working on a pinewood derby car with Zack (T-minus 18 hours until show-down.)  I should be helping my kids get in pjs and put them to sleep, but I am pretending to enter the boys' homework scores for the end of the school year.. When in fact, I am scrolling through Pintrest (rare for me) and listening to an audio book by Mindy Kaling (FUN.NY!)  I am not sure if I can add another task to what I am already doing, but I want to try to write a blog post as well.

I want to talk about OPTIMISM and why it's the best way to be.  Don't take offense to this post, just hear me out.

I'm an optimist in all areas of my life, but only recently.  like, in the past 6 months recently.  I've always been a happy person, but I've shied away from labeling myself because I am also REAL and relate-able and I wasn't sure if you could be real and optimistic at the same time.  I am not fake.  I know that life is tough and exhausting and hard.. but I don't really believe that anymore, the negative things about life.  It's all good and here to teach us something, we just take a long time to figure out the lessons.  I am happy in my bones and feel cheerily optimistic about everything.

I embrace positivity wholeheartedly, in every area of my life.  I am far from perfect and I have so many things I need and want to get better at.. namely: eating healthier, having a rockin' body, exercising like a die-hard, going to church with a willing heart, being super wealthy and generous, writing books that become best sellers, waterskiing and snowboarding, running marathons, traveling the world, getting involved in politics, changing the national public education system, etc.  These are realistic goals I have that I haven't accomplished yet, but I am optimistic that I will be able to do it and do it all well.

But I am pretty amazing at everything else.  Far from perfect, but pretty amazing and only getting better.  Two areas that I've always been a complete OPTIMIST in is in parenting and in my relationship with my husband.  I didn't realize until a few months ago that I CREATED wonderful relationships with my kids and my husband.  I thought I just lucked out.  Not to say that their aren't any problems with me and my kids (or disputes between my husband and me) but I am positively optimistic about everything that happens between us.  I know that I am in charge of my life and I have the ability to create the outcome that I want.

So, here's the simplest way to be a become a better parent: Change your thoughts.

STOP thinking negative things about your kids or your role as a parent or how hard it is raise a happy family.  Your thoughts are creating your experience.

So many parents want to know how to change their children's behavior and this is the simplest way to have a happier home.  Stop trying to change your kids and start thinking happier thoughts about them.

For the past few months I have felt inspired and called to become a personal parenting coach..  (one of the craziest decisions during a very busy time in my life.  I stepped into it not sure what I would charge, how it would happen, who my clients would be and it's been amazing for so many reasons..  I look forward to each coaching session and know that there are REAL CHANGES happening in homes and families.  It's so exciting!)

I want to do a long blog post on each of the lessons my clients are learning (and what I have learned along the way too.)  But for now I am going to give only a few examples of how easy it is to change.  Please know that I hold zero judgement towards negative thoughts about parenting.  I get that it's hard and I don't judge you for feeling overwhelmed (I'm an optimist, remember?) but I also have felt inspired to be bold about how hard we make it for ourselves with our own negative thoughts.  Okay, so here is an example of a common complaint I've heard over and over during my coaching sessions.

Client:  My kids are so lazy.  They don't ever help me and I am exhausted trying to motivate them.

Me:  This is a pretty typical thing we deal with, so it would be easy to chalk it up as just what kids do, but that wouldn't help.  This is actually going to help you, so listen up.  ----->  The reason why your kids are lazy is because you tell them they are lazy.  Stop thinking that thought and stop saying it out loud.  You are creating your own reality.  Start thinking better thoughts.  Instead of saying, "My kids don't ever help or listen when they are asked" start thinking and saying "My kids are helpful and listen to me when I ask them to help."  They are exhausted and lazy because you are exhausted and lazy.  Tough to hear, but it's the truth.  When you feel exhaustion (toward parenthood) they will follow your example and start feeling exhaustion just being your child.  (It sounds much more loving when I say it with my soft voice than it does typed out, I promise.)

In life, we get what we ask for.  It's called Karma or the Law of Attraction.  The vibes that you put out into the world come back and show themselves in all areas of your life.  If you are having a hard time parenting, start thinking better thoughts about your role as a parent.  Start getting excited about what you can do with your kids, how you can connect with them, the time you can spend together.  The more positive vibes you put out in the universe, the more it will show up in the behaviors of everyone around you.

Be aware of your thoughts and I challenge you to change them to something with a higher vibration.  If you are saying your life sucks, it will suck.  Pick better thoughts and watch your energy level rise.  You won't automatically start jumping out of bed at 5 am, but you will absolutely start to feel better.  Change your thoughts to something slightly better, something you can believe...  and tell yourself that life is getting better and that you are improving.  Your thoughts and words matter!  They are attracting everything you are getting.

This change for me came after reading Einstein's biography.  I have so much to say about this subject, but the simple understanding I came to after reading everything about Albert Einstein is that he was NOT a genius.  He was as dumb and sluggish and insecure as we are.  And then his thoughts started shifting.  He started to realize that it DIDN'T MATTER what anyone else thought about him.  Teachers, homework, classmates, parents.  Their reflection of him was their own problem.  The only thing he had control over was his own thoughts.  As soon as he allowed himself to push the limits "reality is only a perception" then his reality started to change and he was able to manipulate everything to reflect what he wanted it to be.  We may be getting too deep and magical here, but every successful person had the same key to their own thoughts.  Every successful artist, author, inventor, doctor, every person who has ever changed the world was an optimist, I am convinced of it. Socrates, Muhammad, Isaac Newton, Jesus Christ, Columbus, Aristotle, Louie Pasteur, Nelson Mandella, Helen Keller, Oprah.  You cannot convince me that they weren't optimists.. I know that all creation came only AFTER a thought was created in an optimisits mind. (or evil creation and experiences from pessimism.) Thoughts give power to change the world, for good or ill.

If you don't believe me, just think about it.  And read this plethora of optimistic quotes.

Time to get back to my kids and husband! Hope you have an awakening soon and your life gets gradually better as you make it so.