How to help someone with chronic pain

One thing that I DO tell people that I need is fresh fruits and veggies.  I am not saying everyone who is sick needs these, but I can't imagine it wouldn't be appreciated.  I have lots of food that my kids can prepare themselves, but one thing that is always needed is healthy snacks.  Fruit and veggies run out quickly (because I never go to the store.)  And even though it would seem like desserts is what everyone wants, I've found that I actually DON'T want desserts because I don't feel well.  Food is awesome, but crap can be picked up in a drive-thru.  Fresh food is hard to get.  So IF you are heading to the grocery store anyway, and you have a neighbor who is sick, pick up some apples or peaches.  Or ask them if there is something they need that you can grab for them OR buy something that is ALWAYS needed... like toilet paper..  I know that sounds like the most random thing to give someone, but every house needs toilet paper (everybody poops.)

If they can give you a list of what they need, let them pay you for it.  Sometimes you think you are doing them a favor by delivering it and not taking money, but for me, it makes me feel better to pay for my own groceries.  This may be different for others, especially if money is tight then they may really appreciate not having to pay, who knows!  I guess just offer but don't push if they insist one way or another.  Just know they feel awkward not being able to do things for themselves.

One other thing that has been SO extremely helpful, at least for someone in my situation, is lunch.  Dinner with a big family is so helpful, but a lot of times (at least for us) we are in a routine and we know what we like for dinner.  A meal is so great, but returning dishes can be stressful or even throwing away food that your kids wouldn't eat is also hard!  I mean, it's great food, but it's just not typically what your kids want or are used to.  So pizza has been one of the better things people can do.  Because it's always a win and you can throw away the boxes.  But LUNCH is a problem around my house.  Not really for the kids, necessarily, but the times that people have dropped off a deli sandwich for me has been like the best thing ever because I may go without lunch and just wait for dinner.  I'm not telling everyone to bring me lunch.  I'm just saying that if you can't think of anything to do for your friend or neighbor, dropping off something for lunch has been surprisingly the best kind of service.  Or snacks like crackers or hummus or things that aren't hard to prepare.  That stuff gets eaten at my house so quickly.  

Another thing about the whole "you need to pray harder" comment,  What I was really trying to say is that sometimes people need more than your prayers.  And this is really only coming from people you are close to and you CAN do something, anything to help.  For example, my neighbors who live around the corner never tell me they are thinking of me or praying for me.  I bet that they are but they don't tell me that they are.  If they ever did say, "I'm praying for you." I would be like, well, pray less and maybe offer to take my books back to the library more.  I can pray for myself, but what I can't do is run errands like I used to do.

For long distance friends who are looking for a way to help, but don't really know what to do or say...  Something along the lines of, "knowing your situation inspired me to reach out to my neighbor who is going through something similar."  Maybe it's just me, but I would rather inspire someone to DO something than be prayed for.  Is this sounding as bas as I think it is?  I'll stop.  I don't mean "take your prayers and shove them where the sun doesn't shine."  I just mean that when you're sick and you feel like others are pitying you, it can feel worse.  When you can't do anything, for me it's felt a little better to inspire people to do something other than they were doing before, and I kind of assume that everyone is already praying.  Oh my gosh, I seriously need to drop this subject.  Please know I appreciate every good thought and prayer and uplifting quote you send my way... 

Writing is just as weird as video.... Talking about this kind of thing, especially in the middle of it makes me feel ungrateful but it's quite the opposite.  I can't be more grateful for what people have done for me.