as of recent

Ben is still my biggest helper. He is my right hand, my babysitter, my go-to guy. Simon is glued to his hip and he likes it that way. Yesterday I asked him to unload the dishwasher. We both knew it was Zack's turn but neither of us wanted to wake Zack up and ask him to do it. Ben said that we should flip a coin for it and I agreed. Ben said, "If it's heads, you lose. If it's tails, I win." I didn't realize I was duped until after I unloaded the silverware (which is the worst part anyway.)

We are reading The Cricket in Times Square this week. I thought I had read this book as a child, but I was wrong. We've all really enjoyed it. During a particular chapter a few days ago, Ben said, "Mom, when you read Tucker the mouse, his voice sounds like you." I thought that was cute because I am reading aloud ALL the characters voices (they should all sound like me) but I got what he was trying to say. Tucker is an enthusiastic, spastic character and I relate to him and love his energy. I will take it as a compliment and leave it at that. No need to ask why he thinks I am a spaz.

Luke is still my sweetheart. At least ten times a day he asks me, "Mom, is there anything I can do for you?" I just love him and never want him to grow up. He often brings me big glasses of ice water and every time he does, I ask him if dad put him up to it (even when dad isn't home.) Luke loves to say that he thought of it himself and I love the way he smiles when he says he thought of it himself. What will I ever do without my own personal water boy?

Luke and I walked into a gas station together the other day. I got a drink, Luke picked out a bag of peachy rings to share with his brothers. When we approached the register, the man behind the counter pulled out a toy that someone had left in the store weeks earlier. He asked Luke if he knew what it was. Luke responded, "Yes. That's Ratchet." The guy was impressed that Luke not only knew it was a Transformer but he knew which Transformer it was. (The dude has no idea who he's messing with.) He responded, "Does he transform into a car or a truck?" Luke stared back and said, "Neither. He's an ambulance." This got a chuckle from the guy and he asked, "Do you think you could show me?" Luke took the toy and worked his magic. Soon there was a crowd forming around him (which really means, there were a bunch of people behind us waiting to pay for their stuff...) When Luke was finished, the nice checker told him he better keep the toy after taking on such a challenge-- and succeeding. Luke showed his brothers his new toy when he got home. The first thing Ben said when he saw it was, "Oh man, he didn't come with his gun!" to which Luke responded, "That's what I thought!" And then we had a lesson about how we should be grateful for things that are FREE... those unappreciative little turds...

Zack is still our source of entertainment.This kid is a walking party. Wherever he goes, fun is to be had by all. A few days (must be weeks because I had a camera) ago, Zack taped a pair of goo-goo eyes to his forehead and said he was under "Mind Control" which means that someone would tell him to do something and he HAD to do it, no matter what. His older brothers were loving this game and made him do all kinds of tricks and favors. But as soon as I tried to take advantage of this unusual opportunity (getting Zack to do something I ask) he said it was broken. He ain't no dummy.

A few days after the above picture was taken, Ben and Luke had kicked Zack out of their room because he wasn't playing by the rules. Zack was really upset and started crying. I pulled him aside and told him that he can't act a certain way if he wanted to be friends with his brothers. Zack looked at me with his teary eyes and said, "It's just that... I am being controlled by Satan!" I tried not to laugh while telling him that if he wanted to be a part of our family and have fun with us, then he couldn't listen to the devil... and that there should be an angel on his other shoulder whispering the right way to behave.

Simon is a monstrous baby. The other day I went to get him after a nap and I peek into his crib and shrieked! A mammoth-child came in and ATE my newborn. He swallowed him in one gulp! I mourn for my little baby... but I will keep the mammoth if it's the only other option. And he's a cute little fuzzy monster. He eats EVERYTHING in sight. He hits his bottle when it's not coming out fast enough and he literally throws a tantrum when his food is all gone. If he sees someone else eating, he starts panting. I just can't give him what he needs. I don't have enough food in my cupboards. Last night, Aaron had a late night and I was out of rice cereal & baby food. Simon downed a banana for an appetizer and started to growl. Then I started to panic. He had a bowl of instant oatmeal and then 8 ounces of formula. He still nurses in the morning, and I am amazed that he will. I believe he will eat anything, any time, any place. But I am starting to realize that my lack of milk supply wasn't really as bad as I thought. Simon is just a monster and nothing is ever enough! (a video is being uploaded of Super Sy pounding his high chair tray for more food.. check out the home videos blog in a bit.)

Simon absolutely loves his brothers. He jumps on the trampoline and sits around the computer watching YouTube videos with them like he was born that way. I love seeing my four boys "hanging out" together. Many times I will catch them all "playing" with toys... which means that Simon is in the middle of the group, sucking on whatever toy they've decided to let him drench that day. When he is DONE playing with his brothers, he looks at me and (I swear) I see him mouth the words "Rescue me! Please!" There's nothing like loving a baby that loves you back. Simon thinks I am the most wonderful person on the planet. Until Big Daddy walks in the room. He is a happy little guy. He smiles all day, but he doesn't hand out laughs freely. He makes you work for them. Luke was/is the same. When he finally dishes out a giggle, you feel like you've won a million bucks.

Aaron is busy and stable and handsome. He isn't around often, but when he's home-- he's home. I have always admired him for the balance he maintains in his life. But the past few months, he's stepped it up a notch. He's a super star. I don't know how he manages it ALL, but he does and magnificently. He's the most CHILL person I've ever met. He doesn't stress-- he doesn't fret-- he's always in a good mood. He focuses the task at hand and then moves on to the next. It's really incredible to watch. Recently, when I see him wearing one of his new suits (yes, he finally went shopping) I am reminded that we're grown-ups now. He's no longer that 20 year old guy that I dated back in college. He's a man.. with gray hair and wrinkles and a new suit. When did this happen? Probably on the same afternoon a mammoth-child swallowed my baby.

As busy as my husband is, he always makes time for me. He slaved on Mother's Day and I still feel guilty about it. He and the boys made a rhyming treasure hunt and sent me all over the house looking for my presents. What I found didn't disappoint. Almost everything was homemade and I will treasure those notes for always. I know it can't be easy being married to me. But someone's gotta do it. So glad it's Aaron.

Do I have to give an update on myself? I don't have to do anything. I write about ME, me, ME everyday on this blog. I thought I was doing better for a minute. There was a week in April when I thought I was feeling better. But I am not cured yet. I am really good on the outside.. I love to be with people. I love doing something productive. But there are many days when I am not outside or with people or doing anything productive.

I often wonder when I things will turn back to normal. I have to remind myself that I am in the process of creating a new normal. I am not the same girl I used to be. That is depressing and also very empowering. I am a stronger person than I was a few months ago. I know more about myself and what I want out of life. I am not as fun or as spontaneous as I used to be. I am more realistic. I know my limits and I am trying my best not to add more to my plate. And if anything is for sure, I know that I am learning a lot through this process. I also know that I am very blessed.

On to shallow things, like television. My friend Jane let me borrow her super nice treadmill. I will need it to train for this blasted 1/2 marathon coming up.. Of course, being outside is the best option but it's gonna get hot. And soon. Ever since our media fast, I have banned all TV. Everything except Survivor.. and an occasional Modern Family. But the treadmill is now in front of a TV just waiting to be used, but I don't have anything to watch. I was thinking-- just thinking-- about starting a new TV series that I've never seen before. Lost? Glee? 24? Twin Peaks? 90210? any suggestions? Anyone have a series sitting around that they want to let me borrow? I guess I could always watch the Twilight movies....