salt and pepper

I've wanted to do an update on each of my kids... and today I'm going to lump my two opposite boys together, only to annoy them.  Luke and Zack are different as different can be.  So many people are surprised when they learn these two are brothers because they look nothing alike.  They could not be more opposite in looks and in personality.  Luke is our resident introvert.  He is calm, collected, steady, organized, mature, composed.  Zack is extremely extroverted.  He's energetic, spastic, emotional, excited and chatty.  Luke is so much like his dad and Zack's personality is a lot like mine.  They hardly ever see eye-to-eye and don't mix well, like oil and water.  This makes us laugh because Aaron and I are so different for all the same reasons.  But there is so much beauty in their unique and individual personalities.

There could be more struggles in this relationship, if we saw them as struggles.  These boys absolutely could fight if a situation gets escalated.  There can be tension between them because they are so different.  Zack gets overly excited about everything and is naturally unorganized.  Luke knows where all things are at all times because his mind is quiet and he is aware.  He likes to play tricks on everyone in the house and sit back and watch others respond emotionally to the turmoil he's created. Zack becomes an easy target because he gives the biggest and most emotional response.

There are annoyances about each of these boys and the way they push each other's buttons, but those annoyances are also their strengths.  Luke's sense of humor is wildly hilarious, in a very quiet way and I never want to make him feel like he can't express himself.  It's not okay for him to hide Zack's things and watch him freak out when he can't find it (something that happens often) but it's also something they will laugh about later and it's good for Zack to learn life lessons about controlling his emotions when he can't find something.  I never want Zack to feel like he needs to stay composed or keep his emotions bottled up, just to keep the peace.  They are young and NOW is the time for them to freak out, if they need to.  We learn lessons together everyday and I want them to each feel free to express themselves in the way that they chose.  If that means Luke needs to prank people, we allow him to and laugh at his sense of humor.  If Zack needs to have melt downs and slam the doors, that's okay too.  After he calms down, we all have opportunities to talk about it and learn from each other.  That's what growing up is all about. 

A mistake that I made for years with Zack is ignoring him in his emotionally unstable state.  For a long time I would allow him to throw a tantrum, crawl into bed and fall asleep if he needed to.  I would not coddle or talk him out of it because I never wanted him to feel like I approved of that behavior, but it wasn't getting better.  His tantrums would become more frequent because no one was acknowledging his need to express himself.  Now, I see that I was wrong to ignore him when he needs me.  It's hard for me to "baby" him and talk him through his problems because I don't like to baby.  But I've seen that he responds better when I give him the one-on-one time to talk through his tantrum.  Sometimes he won't talk back, so I have to go down, lay by him and talk to him about how strong he is and give him the confidence to see that he's in control of his own attitude.  This works much better for us and even though it's not what I prefer, but I appreciate what he's taught me about connection.  It's not about how I want to parent, it's about what each child needs.  They are little geniuses about expressing themselves and usually when they are whining, complaining or sulking, they need a little more attention and love.  This is what Zack has taught me and I am so grateful for being emotionally aware.

Luke is my bud.  Sometimes I want to slug him for being so sly, but that's only because I'm jealous.  I admire his ability to be comfortable in his own skin.  He doesn't need approval from anyone, ever.  Lately he's been dressing weird.  I really don't usually worry about what the kids are wearing, but Luke can embarrass me in public (and that's saying a lot.)  He has these colorful girly checkered shorts that are too short and tight for him.  He likes them because they are odd and I have to bite my tongue when we go out.  Instead of telling him to change his clothes, I ask him if he's comfortable wearing it (and explain where we are going and sometimes maybe why he shouldn't feel comfortable :) but IF he replies that he's comfortable, I let it go.  He's a teenager and if this is one way he chooses to express himself, I am okay with that.  Today Luke's wearing the shorts I dislike, so I got them on video...

And about Simon's opera singing.  Simon picked up a new "hobby" about a month ago and we're all hoping it ends soon.  He sings opera all day.  While at the dinner table, he will sing when he needs food passed to him.  It's so annoying.  But it's a phase and I don't want him to shut down his love for opera just because we can't stand it.  The other day, I could feel my skin crawl with him singing and I wanted to tell him to SHUT.UP.  But I didn't.  Instead I imagined how sad I would be if he wasn't around.  I closed my eyes and pictured him dead.  and then I was flooded with gratitude for him and ALL of the sounds he was making.  He makes SO much noise and it can drive me crazy, but he's so much fun.  He says the most hilarious, amazing, confident things and I want him to continue to express himself the way he feels most comfortable.  Unfortunately (for us) he's chosen to sing in a high-pitched woman's voice.  There will come a day when I will miss that sound, so I am going to enjoy it while I can.